A LOOOOOONG update...

Time for a little update, don't ya think?

It's been a wild ride, folks. 

Last Thursday evening, our wonderful social worker came to our home for our final home study visit. She met the boys, which was hilarious, I'm sure you can imagine. When we walked into the backyard, Cole took it upon himself to state, "Our backyard? It's not so nice", which of course made us all die laughing. If you want the truth, ask the Cole-man. I decided long ago not to be concerned about our backyard and it's lack of beauty. We let the boys dig and have mud fights and have total ownership of that area, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Plus, we have a wild and crazy dog. :-) So, when he made his little statement, I just laughed. He also shared that when he gets in trouble, his time outs can last a half hour, "but only for the BIG deals". All in all, it was a great visit.

Our agency is now finalizing their report and approving it (not a problem) and then we move on to immigration and dossier compilation. For those of you who don't know much about this crazy-wonderful adoption world, here is a quick explanation. Once our home study is approved, we can apply with immigration to bring a child from another country into the states. This is preliminary, and we have to pass the BIG fingerprints to get approval. We've never participated in any evil crime schemes, so I'm guessing we'll be fine. Once that approval comes in, that piece of paper goes in our dossier which is a stack of 20 or so documents that have been gathered and notarized (bank statement, letters of rec, employment letter, marriage and birth certs., etc.), that will then be sent to the country from which we are adopting. Once they receive it, we are officially waiting for our referral for our daughter.

So, exciting times ahead, wouldn't you say?

As most of you know, we began this journey with the thought that we would adopt from Ethiopia. It made sense for our family, and it was kind of all we knew. 

But then. Oh, man. A PRECIOUS little girl on our agency's Waiting Child List caught our hearts and we inquired after her. She was in South Africa. So, after talking and praying, we decided to switch countries. We knew from the get go that it might not work out. Our home study was just beginning and we didn't have the funds to make it move any faster than we were. Our home study would have to be finalized and sent to South Africa for anything to become official in any way. But, we fell in love and decided to go for it. God provided and we worked diligently to keep moving forward. And then we got the e-mail that she had been matched with another family that was further along in the process than us. As we processed, we were very aware that this was a WONDERFUL thing for her. She'll have a family soon. 

But for us, it was difficult. 

I firmly believe that if you start down this road, the temptation to guard yourself, to protect your heart, is strong. And I think it's straight from the pit of hell. We need to LOVE these children. We need to engage totally and completely, because they are worth that. It's that falling in love, that desire to have them in your family, that will drive us to go after them with everything in us. I tell myself that if one of the boys were in another country, alone, apart from us, I would beg, borrow, steal, to bring them home. Adoption is a little different, of course because we don't know who our daughter is yet... but we trust that God is orchestrating every event to bring us closer to her. Even allowing us to have broken hearts as we lose the little gal we thought was ours.

I'll take it. I'll invest again. I'll not get my guard up. I want her and I'll always want her. God gives us mama bear hearts for a reason, and I refuse to let Satan tell me my emotions are more important than her circumstances right now.

So, there you go. That's my little tirade for the moment. :-)

After she was matched, we stepped back. We reevaluated. We thought about going back to Ethiopia. And then, God changed everything. I called our agency and talked to them. After some back and forth, they suggested looking into Uganda.

UGANDA??? We didn't even know our agency HAD a program in Uganda. Turns out, it's fairly new, but going extremely well. When our social worker mentioned Uganda to me, I simultaneously experienced a leap of joy and screeching of  breaks in my heart.

When we began this journey, one of the books that helped to shape my convictions and break my heart, was "Kisses from Katie" about Katie Davis, a 19-year-old girl from the US who moved to Uganda and has subsequently adopted 14 daughters. Sounds a little crazy, I know. READ the book and then tell me it's a crazy you don't want. The woman is in love with her Savior and that love has moved her to action that really isn't all that crazy. She's loving people and feeding them and serving them. She's giving her daughters a family. Not really all that nuts. Just very different than what we're used to, or what we're willing to do. ANYWAY, her book changed me. And it also made me fall in love the people and country of Uganda. If you would have asked me, I would have told you that I felt called to adopt from Uganda.

But Uganda is a big, bad word in the adoption world. Corruption, child trafficking, and lies abound. Many say, STAY OUT OF UGANDA. Not wanting to participate in any adoption that wasn't completely ethical, I knew we wouldn't be adopting from Uganda.

So when my social worker mentioned Uganda, I saw red flags. I started googling. And then I found it.An article that gave me hope and excitement and peace.

 http://mnnonline.org/article/16855

Turns out, our agency is there to HELP the problem. I requested supporting documents for how they are processing, and the complied immediately. Investigations are done on each and every kiddo. Third party investigations, social worker investigations, orphanage investigations, lawyer investigations, Life Book investigations. It's awesome. They are working DIRECTLY with parliament  and the work they are doing will mean that adoption will continue in a country who must continue to have it as an option for the kids who are legitimate orphans.

We want to be part of it.

So, we're going to Uganda. 

That's the update. Keep praying, we need God's protection, provision, and your support. Thank you, we're grateful.

Gift Wrapping Fundraiser

Hello Friends! We've been steadily working away at our Home Study and on Thursday, it will be done! Woo hoo! We are excited to continue down this road and God is showing us that it is Him alone providing for every single payment toward this adoption. It's amazing. Some day, I hope to recount these stories to you. Trust me, we serve a God who is involved in the details and He is so faithful.

We're very excited to announce a fundraiser toward the next phases of this process. When I look at the numbers that we have to come up with, I just laugh. It might as well be a million dollars! In some ways, it's kind of nice to have such huge numbers staring back at us. We are VERY aware that there is no way we can come up with those on our own. This is truly God's bill. We'll just keep handing it to Him, because He's already promised to cover it. 

One way we're hoping to have Him provide these crazy funds is through a Gift Wrapping Fundraiser!

If you live near us and would like some help wrapping gifts this Christmas season, please shoot me an e-mail at RobertsRacket@gmail.com. 

Gift Wrapping Fundraiser

All proceeds will help us to bring our daughter home!

Choose from Fancy, Festive, or Fun styles!

Pricing:

Small: $3

Medium: $5

Large: $7

Extra-Large: $10

I promise to do a lovely job and will have your gifts back to you in 72 hours! 

(or faster if you need them quickly!)

Changes and Home Study Visit #1

We had our first home study interview yesterday! Before I stepped into the world of international adoption, I assumed the home study was a super intense home inspection where a pinch-faced woman in cat-eye glasses walked around our house searching for unlocked medicine cabinets and soap scum on the shower doors. Well, I couldn't have been more wrong! Our home study will consist of 4 main meetings, a joint interview (yesterday), 2 individual interviews, and a home visit during which our social worker will meet our kids and make sure we actually have walls and a roof. 

Yesterday, we were interviewed together and it really wasn't all that scary. She asked some pretty personal questions, but nothing uncomfortable (for us) and nothing that didn't make total sense. We are blessed to have a very knowledgeable and kind social worker, so it was pretty comfortable overall. 

During the second half of our time together, she walked us through our home study packet. Oh man. We have a LOT to do. Physical, marriage certificates, birth certificates, 1040s, employer letter, health insurance letter, 3 major questionnaires (and by the way, those definitely have some seriously personal questions), about 20 hours of training, fingerprinting, etc. She estimated 3 months to complete it all. Brandon joked that she'd find our completed packet on her doorstep by this morning. He was definitely exaggerating, but I have zero intentions of this taking 3 months. Maybe a few weeks. Max. :-)

The big news is that we are fairly certain we are switching country programs. At this point we will most likely be adopting a little girl 0-7 from South Africa. What prompted our switch, you ask? Well, that is a story for another day. I hope to share soon the miracles God is working as He leads in this direction. I will say however, that we believe that God is directing our steps, and this switch was not something we could have ever planned. We are excited and hopeful about it and we covet your prayers as these leaps of faith are starting to become bigger and bigger.

Speaking of prayer, if you're so inclined, here are the specific areas in which we need prayer right now:

- That we would discern clearly God's intent as we finalize switching countries

- That the remaining home study visits would go smoothly (and that our boys would behave during our final one!)

- That we would be able to get our physicals sooner than our doctors are telling us (appointments are in Nov. and Jan. right now, I'd like them MUCH sooner)

- That all the waiting children on our agency's list would find their forever families, and that our hearts would remain committed to that hope, even if it means disappointment for us right now

- That we would continue to see God's provision as we have many fees due very soon, and that we would wait on Him so we can see His miracles in this area

Thank you all. We are so excited, and so completely amazed that God is allowing us to walk down this road. We are so blessed.

On Stories and Waiting Children

So, here's the thing. I like stories. I like real people. I struggle with generalities. When I say there are 143 million orphans in the world, my own mind doesn't compute that. I need faces. I need stories.

I really want to move you. I want to say things that stir you. I want to tell you all that I've been reading and have it come over you like a flood, so that it will change your whole life. I want to tell you the numbers, the facts, the truth about what is happening in our world.

But every time I try, I fall flat. I get preachy and I probably turn you off.

This adoption process is a little bit like that for me. We're putting our ducks in a row, filling out paper work, making phone call, counting our pennies... all for a child out there who is part of that huge number. A child who seems faceless. I think that is one of the reasons that we have been so interested in pursuing a child who is considered a "Waiting Child". These kiddos are a little bit older, have special needs (minor and major) and have not met the requirements of people who are accepted into a program through an agency. To be frank, the "Waiting Child" list is basically a last ditch effort to get these kiddos into a forever home.

Most of you know that we have two biological children with minor special needs. Every single day I look at them and realize that if they had been born somewhere else, it is very likely that they would be Waiting Children.

Are you kidding me?????

My boys are so special. They are so unique. They're hilarious. They have loving hearts and quick minds.  They are the greatest gift God has given me. And they would stand a very good chance of being unwanted had their circumstances been different.

So when I think of 143 million orphans, I think about how far down the list my boys would be, and that makes me absolutely certain that these children are not just statistics looking for someone to take pity on them. They are breathing, brilliant, funny, sweet souls who desperately need to be snuggled and taken to the pediatrician and colored with and tickled and prayed over and read to and fed vegetables and loved every single day.

Please pray for us as we take the next steps necessary to bring a Waiting Child home. This is a one foot in front of the other process and today we took some steps. We're  nervous, we're unsure, we're excited, we're trusting. Pray for the little girl whose story and picture has stolen my heart (and is closing in on Brandon's). We have no idea if she is our daughter, but we know that for some reason, God has lined up some things that sure make it seem like she could be. No matter what, she needs a family. No matter what, we want the very best for her.

We know just a paragraph about her. But that paragraph told a piece of her story. And for me, today, that made all the difference. When I think of the 143 million, I think of her.

Affirmation, Hope, Reality

As you read in my last post, things have been going down hill in the appliance and cars category in the Roberts household. The truth is, things have been pretty difficult in general. We've had some major relief this week, but I am very aware that this sort of thing will continue to happen to us as we continue down this adoption road. 

Last week I wrote a post at my other blog, "Motherhood She Wrote", that shared pretty clearly where I was at emotionally. It was rough. 

Today, I read this post from a mother who has adopted twice, with a total of 8 Ethiopian children. Did I mention she started out with 4 biological children? And before you think she's some weirdo in a flannel jumper singing hymns as she homeschools her 12 children, she's SO not. Her kids aren't even homeschooled (which means that according to some, she's already points ahead of me on the cool scale). She writes honestly and lovingly about their journey to being a family with 12 children. So, she's been there. She knows a thing or two. Read her post. After you do, you'll probably understand a little bit why I had tears streaming down my face at 10 AM this morning, and was shaking my head in wonder of a God who knew I needed someone to tell me that. All of that. 

He's good, that God. So, so good.

What I want to remember

The week (in May) we decided to adopt in the immediate future, our van died. In the months since, we have had the following break down or fall apart:

- our kitchen and entry tile all began cracking and breaking apart (We got a GREAT deal on laminate tile and replaced ourselves)

- our shower head completely broke (normally not a big deal, but it is original to the house and difficult to replace) (UPDATE: B fixed it this weekend!)

- our disposal has broken twice and is now beyond repair (UPDATE: B replaced this weekend)

- our washing machine has broken twice (UPDATE: we finally had to replace it. Boo!)

- our dishwasher is now leaking (UPDATE: Mostly fixed. We think.)

- our bathtub drain is totally broken

- our new van is making a funny noise

- another belt went out in Brandon's car (resulting in no AC during the hottest part of this lovely summer)

I'm keeping this list as a reminder of all the tempting distractions and moneysuckers that flew our way during the early part of this journey. I'm pretty sure this list means two things:

1. Satan really doesn't want our money going toward bringing an orphan into our home and family

2. God was serious when He impressed upon us that we would have to depend on Him for every bit of this journey.

So, Satan, in case you're reading this, we have no intention of quitting. We don't care how long it takes. We are in this for good.

And God, we trust you. You have never failed us. You will not fail our daughter. 

Out of Focus

Recently I had the privilege of writing a letter of recommendation for our friends, who are also adopting. Aside from the fact that it helped them to complete their dossier (Woo Hoo!!!!), it was a great exercise for me to sit down and write about all the things I love about these sweet friends, who have been so instrumental in the last decade of our life. As I reflected on their (many) strengths, one thing really stuck out to me. 

They're teachable., Forgive me for the use of a buzz word, but it really is the best descriptor of this particular quality. They are confident parents who act out of conviction, prayer, and love for their kiddos. But they never assume their way is the only way. They seek to be taught, and are open to new information. They are humble in their approach to life, and I just love that about them. 

It's also an incredible example to me. I am one who tends to be all or nothing. I make decisions (well-researched, informed) decisions and I have a hard time being open to anything other than my own understanding of a given topic. I have very strong opinions and I can easily fall into judging others who do not agree with me. 

This is a big problem when you're adopting. I know pretty much nothing. Unless you've been through it or worked extremely closely with adopted children, and particularly internationally adopted children in our case, you just can't know much. I am relying totally on the experience of others to help us succeed in bringing our daughter into our family. All the things I've done with my biological children, all my natural instincts, are pretty much up for debate when it comes to mothering our new daughter, especially at first. Her life experience will be so very different from the children born to us, that we have to consider it at every turn. Attachment will be different. Discipline will be different. Socialization will be different. Food will be different. Everything. 

That is hard. 

But it's also so, so, so good. It means we are being forced to be open-minded. It means that we must be humble, relying on others to help us and impart their wisdom. It means that because we already love our little girl so much, we are totally willing to be the object lesson for going "wide-angle" as we relearn parenting. 

Here's what I'm learning. Education is priceless. I'm not talking about degrees and diplomas. I'm talking about what happens when we go looking for information that challenges our world view a little bit. It's about considering that ours cannot be the only, the best, or the last perspective. I can go on and on and on about what is happening in Ethiopia right now, or I can share a resource that says it for me in a way that I never could. This happened just recently. I pointed a dear friend to "Walk to beautiful", a documentary on Netflix about a major health issue women are facing in Ethiopia. This friend is a nurse and I knew it would interest her. It changed her views totally. She has a big heart, and she just lacked some information. Education rocked her world.

This is happening to me constantly. I am reading books, watching movies, reading articles. And as I take in new information, I can feel transformation. Not too long ago, my world was pretty much my four walls, and now, I feel like I'm not only seeing more and more of the world every day, but I'm looking for it. 

I want so badly to have the teachable spirit that our friends have. I am trying to hold everything loosely these days. Everything I've been told, taught, thought, assumed. And a funny thing is happening. As I let go of more and more of my "convictions" on so many "issues", I'm seeing Jesus more than ever. He's clearer to me than ever. I am more sure of Him than ever. 

I had no idea that all my opinions were blurring Him so much. We've had folks tell us what a blessing we will be to our precious daughter. What I want you to know is that she is a blessing to us. Right now. If it weren't for her, I wouldn't be seeing the world so differently. 

And my Jesus would still be just a bit out of focus.

She's Out There

I went to the coast with my mom and my sister last weekend. I'm not sure what it is, but for me, there is nothing on earth like the ocean. I could walk along the sand with my toes in the icy water for hours and hours. We didn't spend hours doing that, but we did walk. 

Along the way I spied a tiny little girl squatted on the edge of the sand, just where the next wave would kiss her toes. She was that wonderful age where freedom is best defined by your ability to wear a bathing suit all day long. Her tan skin was covered in a pink two piece and in goosebumps as she shivered from the wind and the chilly water. But still, she hunched down with her little bucket poised for the next wave, hopeful for shells or sand crabs. 

She shivered, but she stayed. She waited for the waves to fill her bucket up. 

I have no idea if she got her shells, we passed her by without stopping to wait. I hope so though.

One of the very best things about being a child is that nobody tells you these things, these squatting on the sand waiting for shells moments, are a waste of time or a silly way to spend an afternoon. Nobody asks what you are doing. We all know, because we've all been children and we've done the same thing. And the truth is, it's the very best way to spend an afternoon and we're just so glad that children are still doing it!

Can I just tell you that seeing that sweet little girl on the beach that day made me miss my little girl desperately? Yes, miss her. I don't even know her. I have no idea what she looks like, and right now she's not even mine! But I miss her all the same. 

I have these 4 sweet little boys and they have those moments. They have afternoons filled with nothing but filling their buckets. I hope that somewhere in Ethiopia, my sweet girl is having these moments of her own. 

It's hard to think about the whys of her becoming a member of our family. I know something hard will have happened., something I don't want her to ever have to go through. But she will. And time will pass and her hurt will grow, and then she'll come home to us. 

And when she comes home, there will a whole chunk of her life that we won't know about. We'll know the basics, health and family history. But we won't know if she ever stood at the edge of the water, waiting for her bucket to fill, while her mother looked on, enjoying the sight of her baby girl living in the fun of childhood. We won't know if she ran around without a care in the world, ever. 

I'm torn. I want desperately for her to have known those moments, because it means she knew love. But I hate the loss she will feel when whatever hard thing happens, happens. That's my baby girl. I don't want her to hurt. Ever.

My heart feels raw. It feels exposed. I feel compelled to file and refile papers in our adoption binders, research constantly, and make my incessant lists. Because it means I'm doing something. This is a process that is entirely up to God's timing. There is nothing we can do to rush it along. And frankly, it's hard to know that. I haven't had to wait on Him a lot in my life. I didn't have to wait for my husband, I didn't wait for our boys, but this precious daughter of ours.... we are waiting. He is providing each next step, each next dollar, each green light. And we are waiting. 

But when the waiting is over, when she's here and in our arms, I know that I know that I know...

I'm taking her to the beach.

Want $50 to go out to eat?

We are thrilled to be partnering with coupaide.com to bring our little girl home! I am so, so, so excited about this fundraiser because you, our supporters, get something very cool in return for your support! 

 Here's the deal: 

 For $20, you will instantly receive a $50 giftcard to Restaurant.com. If you've never used Restaurants.com, it's a site that hosts over 18,000 restaurants across the nation. You go on Restaurant.com, find the restaurant you want to eat at and redeem your giftcard for a gift certificate to that establishment. One particularly cool thing is that you can even spread your $50 out over a few different places in increments of $10, $15, or $25! And you can give the giftcard as a gift! For every $20 you spend, we will receive $10 toward the cost of our adoption! 

 So, to make it simple: 

You SPEND $20 

You GET $50 

WE get $10

 Pretty sweet deal for everyone! Enjoy!

JUST CLICK BELOW:

Planning, planning!

Hello friends and family!

As we wade into this process, we are excited about the level of creativity required to get this thing done! If you're looking for a way to help, please consider the following:


DONATE GENTLY USED ITEMS: We are beginning to plan a monster garage sale! We would love to have a variety of items that we can sell to raise funds for the crazy fees we have coming up. Just shoot us an e-mail or give us a call and we'll find a way to pick up your items!

DONATE GOODS AND SERVICES: We are very excited to host an online raffle featuring any goods and services we or our friends can offer! Are you a photographer? Consider donating a family photo shoot! Are you crafty? Perhaps you could host lessons or donate one of your creations! We have so many talented friends and family, we feel like this could be a great project!

TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY!: Spread the word! If you have friends or family who would enjoy partnering with us, we'd love to have them.

As always, thank you for your help and love! We are humbled by your tremendous support.

If there are 147 million orphans, WHY does adoption take so long???

Our dear friends who are also in the process of adopting from Ethiopia have answered this question perfectly on their family blog.

Read it! SO good.
http://gibbsfamilyadventure.blogspot.com/2012/07/they-are-worth-it.html

Pure & Faultless

I am overwhelmed.

So many of you have been so generous.

I really don't have words to tell you how grateful we are. We did not expect this. We have been given so much in ONE WEEK. 

James 1:27 says "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

You're doing that very thing. You're looking after a sweet little girl who won't be an orphan for long. 

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Even Si-Guy...

Many of you know that Silas (our 2nd born) is a money lover. He's a saver. He's an embezzler (just from us!). I placed this jar on a bookcase, and within 5 minutes he was searching couch cushions and scouring the floor. I even heard him shaking his most prized possession, his piggy bank. 

These boys have sweet hearts and I am so grateful for each of them. Somewhere out there is a little girl who will be so blessed to be loved on by them. 

Race and my 4 Little White Boys

My boys are as white as white as white can be. :-) And our new daughter will be.... definitely NOT white. I am still learning exactly how I'm supposed to navigate the language part of this whole journey, so bear with me.

The one thing I do know is that, we will not be ignoring the fact that she looks different than the rest of us, that her skin will be much darker than the rest of her family's. Studies, books, personal experience all emphatically state that to do so would be more damaging to her than helpful. She needs to be able to acknowledge, process, and talk about the differences among us. She will most likely have times when her differences make her feel frustrated and alone (hello, puberty!). We'll be celebrating her Ethiopian culture and heritage every chance we get along the way. My boys are already loving any youtube video I can find that shows them Ethiopia. 

On that note, a few weeks ago, when we first told the boys about this adoption, I called Cole to me one afternoon so I could show him pictures on the computer of Ethiopian children. What followed was a conversation I will never forget.

Cole, looking intently at the photos: "Um, no, no, no, Mommy. I want my sister to have normal skin."

Me, taking a deep breath: "Sweetie, these children do have normal skin. It's just different than yours and not something you see a lot of here in our town. In Ethiopia, everyone has darker skin. It's normal there."

Cole, with a big smile: "Oh!!! Okay!"

Me: Sigh of relief

I realized after this conversation, that the best way to tackle this issue is to just be open and honest about it. Children notice stuff. And the truth is, they haven't seen a lot of people with darker skin. It's our job to make this "normal" for them.

So, a few days later, another opportunity presented itself. We were parked at the gas station and in front of us was a mother and her two sons, all African America. I jumped at the chance (from the privacy of our car) to open up communication with Cole about it again. 

Me: "Cole! Do you see that beautiful family?"

Cole: "Oh yeah! Yes Mommy, they are beautiful!"

A pause.

Cole: "And how nice, they drove here from Ethiopia!"

We're getting there, I think. :-)

Why Fund-raise?

I have to admit, it feels weird. It's hard basically asking people for their money for what will be our child. I know, I get it. 

Here are the thoughts we've had over the course of the last several months as we've prayed and considered this particular timing for our adoption process:

If we can't afford this adoption on our own, should we even be doing it?


Should we be debt-free before pursuing this?


Maybe we should save up as much as we can and then just hope grants cover the rest.


Are people going to think we're irresponsible for pursuing this right now, when we already have 4 little mouths to feed?


Will we embarrass our families by asking for donations toward our adoption?


What do people get out of helping us financially?


So. Here's where we landed on each of those thoughts/concerns.

If we can't afford this adoption on our own, should we even be doing it?
Pride. That's the word that came to me over and over again as I asked God this question. We've made some hard choices in our marriage. Me being home with the kids before we could even really afford it, is one of them. Our life has not been one of financial abundance. We've struggled at times, but we have always had all our needs provided for, and often, we have been abundantly blessed with our wants. Nevertheless, it has been difficult at times to watch friends and family surge far ahead of us financially, able to take nice vacations, purchase newer cars and bigger houses, and put their kids in various activities. We have often discussed our choice for me to remain at home, and we always decide it is so, so, so worth it. Pride would be the only reason that we would seek two incomes, and that is definitely not okay with us.

In some ways, this adoption is similar. There is a gap between where we need to go financially and what we are able to do on our own. Asking for help with this stinks only because it hurts our pride. And that's not a good enough reason to leave children that we believe we are called to help, waiting. The road to adoption is paved in sacrifices of various forms. For us, I truly believe God is calling us to humility in order to rescue a hurting child. (P.S. I hate the language of "saving" and "rescuing" children through adoption because I feel like it ignores all that the child loses when he or she is removed from his or her culture, home, caregivers, etc., but the truth is, from where we are adopting from, rescue is an appropriate term. These children need forever families. Period.)

We want to obey God. We want to be available to love children and the best way to do that is to give them a family. So, yes, even though we can't afford $30,000.00 on our own, we should be doing this.

Should we be debt-free before pursuing this?
This one is tricky. I think God is pretty clear about how he feels about debt throughout Scripture. And, we are definitely working on it. I also believe that He does call some families to become debt-free prior to beginning the adoption process. However, unless God tells you otherwise, we don't believe it is a requirement. I honestly think it's just a matter of opinion. Because of student loans, it will be several years before we have eliminated all our debt and we want to bring our daughter home without a huge age gap between her and her brothers. She will already struggle with feeling different throughout her life, and a large age gap would contribute to this unnecessarily. This process will likely take us at least 2 years and frankly, we're fairly certain this will not be our last adoption. Our debt is being dealt with and we will continue to do so, but we don't think it's a requirement to give a child a family.

Maybe we should save up as much as we can and then just hope grants cover the rest.
Frankly, it would take us years to save up anywhere close to the amount. We feel called now. There are children now. The only reason we would do this would be, you guessed it, pride.

Are people going to think we're irresponsible for pursuing this right now, when we already have 4 little mouths to feed?
In a word, yes. Yes they will. They also thought we were irresponsible when we had child #3, and definitely child #4. People have all sorts of opinions. And yet, the problem remains that there are 143 million orphans in this world. Our children have a roof over their heads, 3 square meals, endless snacks, more toys than they or I know what to do with, and so much clothing I can't keep up with all the laundry they produce. None of that will change. And for us, that's good enough. We love our boys, but giving them everything the world has to offer has never been a priority for us. However, teaching them compassion and self-sacrifice, is. Teaching them to take seriously the commands of Jesus, is. Loving others more than ourselves, is.

Will we embarrass our families by asking for donations toward our adoption?
 I finally had to admit that we probably will. We're sorry! We don't want to embarrass anyone! And I am just hoping that as the miracles come pouring in, and when our little girl is home safe and sound, they'll be glad we did.

What do people get out of helping us financially?
Here's the thing. I know that at the end of the day, we will be receiving most of the blessing. From watching God answer our prayers, to receiving so much generosity from our friends and family, to raising our beautiful Ethiopian daughter, we win in every category. But, our sincere prayer is that by participating in this monumental effort, it will be evident that this process is doable. Folks will lay down their excuses, if they have them, and will join up to give children what they desperately want and need, a family. We hope that people will realize that adoption is possible, you just have to be willing to do whatever it takes to get your little one home! Our hope is that, people will experience these blessings themselves one day soon and we can't wait to support them when they take the leap!

I realize that my answers will not satisfy every concern others might have, and that's okay. We have total faith that God will move the hearts that He wants to move and He will supply the money we need to bring our daughter home. We are not placing expectations on our friends and family. If you feel led, give. If you don't, keep praying for us, okay? We need that even more. 

The First Piece of the Puzzle

Many of you know that stepping into this adoption journey is a huge leap of faith for our family. Somewhere along the way, I picked up and latched on to the idea that when something is God's will, it will be easy. He'll open doors, He'll bless the road with signs and wonders. I do believe that He chooses to work this way occasionally. But I also believe that often, the road we walk out of obedience is marked with difficulty and trial. It's that way because this world is broken and hurting.

But I think that another reason He allows the road to be difficult is because when we set out to be about His work, He wants us to stick closely to Him, to watch Him work, to rely wholly on His strength, and to be able to say, "Only by the Grace of God". All glory is His.

That's where we are. We believe that He has placed compassion for orphans in our hearts. We know that caring for the fatherless is not an option, but a mandate. We know that children need families. And we have plenty of room in our hearts for more children. 

We are ready to see some miracles! 


We don't know how God will do this, but we know He can! I have to admit, I am really excited to watch how this all unfolds. I can't wait to snuggle our little girl someday and tell her the story of how He got her home. I am thrilled to be a part of how He is demonstrating His love for her.

With that said, I'd like to present our first real fundraiser. We have purchased a 256 piece puzzle of the Ethiopian flag. Each piece is "for sale" for $10. If you choose to purchase a piece or pieces, your name or your family's name will be written on that piece. Our dream is to write a name on every single piece, put the puzzle together, and frame it in her room so that she can see with her own eyes just how many people wanted her, how she was loved before we even knew her name. 

If you would like to be a part of this fundraiser, please click below to purchase your puzzle piece. We are grateful for your support. 

Are you sure? Really?

It's been interesting to note the many reactions we've received as we've been slowly letting the world know of our intent to adopt our daughter from Ethiopia. Some folks can barely mask their surprise. We've received many, "Why Ethiopia?" questions, a few "Why not adopt a kid here?", several smiling, shaking heads, and some folks who just have very little to say. We have also received smiles, hugs, offers to stay with our kids while we travel to Africa, and excitement over little girl things. 

I didn't really expect anything different. 

It's a lot to wrap a mind around. There are moments when I feel just as mixed in my own reactions. I think about how easy life is starting to feel. After 6 years of newborns, we're rounding the corner. We can leave kids with babysitters, I'm done nursing, most nights everyone sleeps. We're able to just enjoy our 4 children. 

And now, we're about to rock the boat again. 

I've questioned if I'm someone who just can't seem to enjoy life, who craves drama. I've wondered if this will be the biggest mistake of our life. And usually, as I'm entertaining these thoughts, I hear another voice saying, "Don't panic. You'll be sure again tomorrow." And thus far, every single time, the moments of anxiety pass, and once again I know that I know that I know that our daughter is waiting for us. And we have to go get her.

I think the difficult part is that we're not perfect. Isn't that ALWAYS the problem??? We're imperfect parents. We love our children, we enjoy them immensely... but we also identify with the desire to be "done" with having little children, to move on to the next stage. We aren't those people (if those people even exist) who are just incredible with their 12 kids, who seem to want their entire world to revolve around caring for their children's needs. We're impatient, we're selfish, we like to go out, and we really like to sleep. 

But there's a difference between what the flesh wants, and what brings peace. There's a huge difference between what our culture values and what beats in time with the heart of God. And there is something about realizing that for the first time in your adult life, you are about to do something, to enter a season in which His strength really will be your strength. Somehow, it makes this faith thing real. It carries with it an assurance that imperfection is the name of the game and we are not disqualified because of it.

It doesn't bother me, not really, when I sense disapproval from those we share our plans with. It doesn't hurt when I answer the same questions over and over. Because I feel the same way. I feel conflicted, I wonder why we're doing this. I fear for my boys, I worry for the stability of our family. I wonder about our friends, about our extended relationships. I fear judgment now, and later. 

But, we can't escape the truth that if we choose to ignore this pull on our hearts, we are telling a child no. We are saying that our convenience, our sleep and date nights, matter more. And frankly, that makes me sick. Because of course they don't. 

One of the greatest desires of our hearts is to see more people open their homes and families to children who need them desperately. If that means that we have to offer our imperfect selves, parenting, finances, and lives to be used as an example of exactly how creative and capable our God is, then so be it. It will be uncomfortable. It will be humiliating. It will be difficult.

But hopefully, it will mean children find homes.

And for us, it means that we will bring another precious child home who will drive us nuts, make us crazy, and force us to laugh so we don't cry. Just as we've done 4 times. 

We can't wait.

Influence

Written words move me. Nine times out of ten, God uses scripture, books, blogs, articles, etc. to get my attention. I mentioned in my previous post that after Gray was born, we knew we wanted to adopt "someday", but God pushed up our timeline by keeping the orphan crisis literally right in front of our noses.

I thought it might be helpful to list some of the written pieces that moved me. And by moved me, I mean transformed me into a sobbing mess for 6 months. By moved me, I mean forced me to face reality, and folks, reality is not a pretty thing. This world is hurting. Children are suffering. And we have been called to so much more than we are doing. So, here's a list of some of my "tops", the written words that changed our family's direction forever.

Scripture: 

Isaiah 58

Matthew 25

James 1:27

Blogs:

Kristen Howerton has blogged prolifically about adoption, both international and domestic. She's a favorite. I have a secret desire to someday meet her. I totally have an "in" as my sis is super good friends with a guy that does their family pics.... you never know!
http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/2010/06/what-i-wanted-to-say.html

http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/2010/10/do-orphans-need-saving.html

Heather Hendrick: wrote this beautifully gut-wrenching piece on her first few months in Haiti with her family. This one was read through sobs to my Brandon late one night. I think we both knew things were about to change for us.
http://allthingshendrick.blogspot.com/2010/10/reality-is-weighty-thing.html

Books:
7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess: "American life can be excessive, to say the least. That’s what Jen Hatmaker had to admit after taking in hurricane victims who commented on the extravagance of her family’s upper middle class home. She once considered herself unmotivated by the lure of prosperity, but upon being called “rich” by an undeniably poor child, evidence to the contrary mounted, and a social experiment turned spiritual was born."


Kisses from Katie: "What would cause an eighteen-year-old old senior class president and homecoming queen from Nashville, Tennessee, to disappoint her parents by forgoing college, break her little brother’s heart, lose all but a handful of her friends (because the rest of them think she has gone off the deep end), and break up with the love of her life, all so she could move to Uganda, where she knew only one person but didn’t know any of the language? A passion to make a difference. Katie Davis left over Christmas break her senior year for a short mission trip to Uganda and her life was turned completely inside out. She found herself so moved by the people and children of Uganda that she knew her calling was to return and care for them. She has given up a relatively comfortable life—at a young age—to care for the less fortunate of this world. She was so moved by the need she witnessed, she’s centered her life around meeting that need. Katie, a charismatic and articulate young woman, is in the process of adopting thirteen children in Uganda, and she completely trusts God for daily provision for her and her family."


Radical: "In Radical, David Platt challenges you to consider with an open heart how we have manipulated the gospel to fit our cultural preferences. He shows what Jesus actually said about being his disciple--then invites you to believe and obey what you have heard. And he tells the dramatic story of what is happening as a "successful" suburban church decides to get serious about the gospel according to Jesus."




Disclosure: Do not read unless you are ready to be rocked to your core. 

Here We Go...

When I was 7 years old, my family moved into a new neighborhood. The first family we met had two sons, one of whom was my age and would be in my class at my new school, and one baby daughter. As we visited with our new neighbors, my eyes were drawn to the beautiful baby girl sitting on her mom's hip. Unlike her parents and brothers, she was Korean. It wasn't long until we learned that Katie was adopted when she was 6 months old. I believe God planted the seeds in my heart right then and there.

When Brandon and I were engaged, we talked a lot about having children someday. He knew from the get-go that I wanted to adopt. He never even batted an eye. He wanted to adopt also. 

We grew our family easily, very easily, and before we knew it we were parents to 4 little boys within 5 years. I was MORE than content to be finished with pregnancy forevermore, amen. People would ask us if we were "done" and we always said absolutely, yes. But we often added, "done having babies, not necessarily done bring children into our family." I figured we'd wait awhile, after all, it's been a long time since we got a decent night's sleep.

BUT.

More and more, it seemed that God was determined to keep orphans, their stories, and the desperate need right in front of our noses. I followed Brandon around, reading scripture, passages from books, all with tears falling down my face. You see, I'm a Mama Bear. Big time. I don't like it when my kids kick off their blankets at night, even in the summer. The thought of children in this world without parents to love them as much as we love our boys, pretty much shattered my heart. 

We discovered that the process would take a while. International adoption requires a double dose of perseverance. We also discovered that the price tag would absolutely require us to do fundraising and applying for grants. And so, we decided "no time like the present". Let's get this ball rolling.

And so, now we have stepped out, not sure how it will all work out, but truly believing that our heart is for children, we have plenty of room in our family, and God will not leave them as orphans.