Race and my 4 Little White Boys

My boys are as white as white as white can be. :-) And our new daughter will be.... definitely NOT white. I am still learning exactly how I'm supposed to navigate the language part of this whole journey, so bear with me.

The one thing I do know is that, we will not be ignoring the fact that she looks different than the rest of us, that her skin will be much darker than the rest of her family's. Studies, books, personal experience all emphatically state that to do so would be more damaging to her than helpful. She needs to be able to acknowledge, process, and talk about the differences among us. She will most likely have times when her differences make her feel frustrated and alone (hello, puberty!). We'll be celebrating her Ethiopian culture and heritage every chance we get along the way. My boys are already loving any youtube video I can find that shows them Ethiopia. 

On that note, a few weeks ago, when we first told the boys about this adoption, I called Cole to me one afternoon so I could show him pictures on the computer of Ethiopian children. What followed was a conversation I will never forget.

Cole, looking intently at the photos: "Um, no, no, no, Mommy. I want my sister to have normal skin."

Me, taking a deep breath: "Sweetie, these children do have normal skin. It's just different than yours and not something you see a lot of here in our town. In Ethiopia, everyone has darker skin. It's normal there."

Cole, with a big smile: "Oh!!! Okay!"

Me: Sigh of relief

I realized after this conversation, that the best way to tackle this issue is to just be open and honest about it. Children notice stuff. And the truth is, they haven't seen a lot of people with darker skin. It's our job to make this "normal" for them.

So, a few days later, another opportunity presented itself. We were parked at the gas station and in front of us was a mother and her two sons, all African America. I jumped at the chance (from the privacy of our car) to open up communication with Cole about it again. 

Me: "Cole! Do you see that beautiful family?"

Cole: "Oh yeah! Yes Mommy, they are beautiful!"

A pause.

Cole: "And how nice, they drove here from Ethiopia!"

We're getting there, I think. :-)